Don't Say It...

There are things in motherhood that you just don't talk about.

Some things that stay hidden deep inside.

That seem impossible to bring up

because mom's just don't experience it.

Or they like to pretend they don't.

We put on a happy face,

put some nice clothes on

and pretend that those feelings deep down

are not there.

Yes.

I am talking about PPD.

 { aka Postpartum Depression }

 The last 8 months have been a struggle.

I refused to admit that this was something I could even struggle with.

I refused to acknowledge it.

Each day it would creep out.

Each day feeling stronger and stronger.

I was angry at everything.

At everyone.

All I wanted to do was crawl in bed

and not see anyone.

I would flip out over the smallest thing.

When I would go out with friends,

I would put my "happy face" on

pretending I was perfectly normal.

But deep down,

I knew I wasn't.

I knew there was something wrong.

It took everything for me to enjoy myself

and even still,

I just couldn't.

I couldn't be truly happy

and I couldn't figure out why.

I have 3 beautiful children!

My youngest has been a good sleeper for the most part

so I am not lacking in sleep.

I have two pretty amazing toddlers!

They have their moments but overall, 

they really are good kids!

and my husband,

well I could not ask for a better man to spend my days with,

to raise my children together

and to just love!

So why was I feeling this awful sadness.
Why could I not just be happy?

Luke told me to take a vacation,

to go visit my best friend in Colorado

so I jumped on the opportunity!

I mean, 

how many husbands would let their wife go away for an entire week

and leave all 3 kids

( a 3 year old, 2 year old & 5 month old)

at home with their husband for the entire week.

I had a wonderful trip!

I thought this was just what I needed!

but when I came back,

I felt no different.

In fact,

I actually felt worse.

The first 4 days back were completely awful

and I was in tears every day.

Finally Luke looked at me

after we had one of the biggest fights we have had in years

and told me that maybe I should go see my doctor

about PPD.

I burst out in tears.

What is wrong with me?

Finally after a good evening of crying,

I decided I would make an appt.

My doctor is so sweet,

she is a naturalist and she really cares about her patients.

When she suggested that I go on medication for a little bit,

I was so hesitant.

But I knew that if she was recommending it,

I must be needing it.

For the next 2 weeks, I had a really hard time accepting

that I needed medication 

for what was going on inside.

I felt guilty for not being able to cope on my own.

I felt disappointed that I could not raise my children 

and ashamed that I needed help.

It was a very humbling experience.

It took me a bit to tell anyone,

but I knew I could not do this on my own.

I told a few close friends 

and asked them for prayer.

I could not believe the support I got from them.

Unconditional love!

There was no need for me to fight this on my own.

God has been working in me these last few months 

and I can say that through all of this,

it has helped shape me.

I quit Facebook for the most part,

other than the occasional profile change

I stopped reading through status updates

and scrolling through endless photographs.

I stopped reading all these mommy blogs that are so contradictory

to one another.

If one person supports something,

you know the next mommy blog is going to tear it apart and tell you whats wrong.

Being a mom in this day and age is tough.

Everything is out there on a screen for everyone to see.

To compare to.

To love and to hate.

So even just cutting these main things that I spent so much of my time on

has really showed me what is truly important in life.

And right now

my children are my number one focus.

I want to be that present mom

that gets in the dirt with them

rather than sitting back on my lawn chair scrolling through my phone.

So after sharing what i am going through right now,

I just want to encourage you mom's!

Being a stay at home mom has been the toughest job I have EVER done

and I do admit,

there are days when I wish I could just escape to work

outside of the home

just so I could get a decent adult conversation in.

But I do know this,

it is the toughest BUT the most important job

I have ever had!

And if you are struggling like I was,

if you are dealing with PPD,

don't keep it in.

Don't hide it.

Let someone know.

Let someone pray for you

and encourage you.

and if you need the help of medication,

don't feel ashamed.

It is there to help you!

A fellow photographer that I admire said this and it really stuck with me :

"If we are not sharing it, if we are just keeping it private,
why are we experiencing it?"

                                                                                                                                                                                  Joy Prouty   

 It is such a true statement!

If we are not sharing what we are going through,

our struggles and our high points,

why do we experience those feelings.

Let's make PPD known,

let's not hide it

and struggle with it alone.

Let's make it something we talk about

because

IT IS REAL!

and more mom's struggle with it than you are aware of!


*some family pics we did the other day in our backyard to make you smile*

Birthday Time

It's birthday time again in the Haggett house.
April is a busy one because Pea & Ellie
both have their birthdays a week apart from each other.

As most of you probably know by now,
I have been taking a break from Facebook for the last month or so.
I go on it occasionally to put up a new profile pic or to answer a message from someone
but for the most part, that is it.
I have tried to cut myself off from reading status updates and mommy blog posts
that are constantly bombarding my news feed.
I have really been bothered by all these new blog posts
dissing the creative person and saying that mom's shouldn't be creative
with their children or enhance their children's magical lives with crafts and such.
To a creative person like myself,
I am insulted when I read these posts.
I absolutely LOVE being creative.
That is a gift God gave me and I have such a passion for it
and my children are inheriting the same passion.
I did not get a beautiful voice or a smart brain for english or physics,
I didn't get an athletic body or a career driven mind,
God gave me my creativeness.
That is me.
So when I read these blog posts about moms who look at other moms
and get upset because one mom is doing crafts and making things for their children
and the other mom isn't,
it urks me.
That is the way I connect with my children.
We sit down and explore different ideas, create things from their imagination.
We bring their minds to life with a costume.
I am not trying to be better than anyone else.
I am not trying to show off
or make other moms feel bad about themselves,
and if I have
I am TRULY SORRY!
That is NOT my intention whatsoever.
Being creative is my outlet to joy, to happiness.
It is like telling another mom to stop doing what they are passionate about
because it is making other moms upset.
I am not going to tell the athletic mom to stop teaching their child how to
shoot a basketball in the net so darn well because it makes my child
look incompetent!
If that is what they are passionate about and that is the way they connect with their child,
I say "GO FOR IT!!!".
I am not going to tell the math genius to stop teaching their child how to
add because my child is not school smart at all and doesn't
even know her numbers yet so it makes my child look dumb.
Or the mom who has a passion for gardening and spends all day in the garden
with her child, I am not going to tell her to stop spending time in the garden teaching
her child about flowers and growing vegetables
because I don't have a green thumb whatsoever and my child
doesn't even know a daisy from a rose.
We all have our own passions,
our own areas that we excel in.
Let us pass it on to our children and enjoy spending time with them
doing something that we love!
I get that people do go overboard for holidays.
but if you LOVE throwing parties and decorating and you enjoy it so much,
I say "GO FOR IT!"
Enjoy sharing your passion and let your creative side out!!!

So this year for my girls birthdays,
I decided I would make them Anna & Elsa dresses!
If you have little ones at all, you have probably been introduced
to the lovely Disney hit "Frozen"
which my girls instantly fell in love with
and you have probably heard the songs "Do you want to build a snowman" & "Let it go"
one too many times but I have to admit,
I actually really like this one!
The girls knew I was making them a dress but they had no idea it was an
Anna & Elsa dress
so it was pretty special to see their faces light up when they saw what I had made them!
I found it so relaxing and fun to make these and I was so happy about how they turned out!