I Am An Introvert

I used to think when I was in high school

that there was something wrong with me.

I wasn't the class clown,

I wasn't the girl always answering the teachers questions,

I wasn't the teachers pet,

I was barely even remembered a lot of times from teachers.

I almost felt invisible sometimes.

 School did not mix with me

because I kept to myself.

I had my core group of friends,

but beyond that,

I didn't really go.

I didn't participate in the crazy games on stage during lunch.

I wasn't in school plays

or on student council.

I was the person behind the scenes,

doing the hair and make-up for the school plays.

For the longest time,

I never really thought I had much purpose.

I saw all the extroverts,

people who everyone knew,

everyone liked,

everyone wanted to be around.

And then there was me.

In grade 12,

I pushed myself out of my little shell.

Not to be someone I wasn't,

but to see what I could do.

I pushed myself on stage for our youth rally

which was HUGE for me,

I pushed myself to be more outgoing.

but it just wasn't me.

As much as I pushed myself,

I never got over that uncomfortable feeling.

The feeling like I wasn't myself.

I thought maybe I had issues,

maybe there was something wrong.

Over the years I have really started understanding myself more and more.

There was nothing wrong with me.

There still isn't.

Not everyone is built to be on stage.

Not everyone is built to be the loud mouth.

I can still have a loud mouth,

but it is not going to be heard in front of a huge crowd.

I am much better one on one.

That is where I am strong.

I am better in small groups.

And that is ok.

I don't "HAVE" to be the center of attention.

and that's ok.

I have really started learning about my strengths,

and why God made ME the way I am.

So for all those people that constantly come up to me and say

"can't wait to see you singing on stage with your husband and little girls"

or 

"when will I see you up on that stage",

it's probably not going to happen.

I am not made for that

and I have come to realize that

THAT IS OK!

As much as I push myself,

that is just not me.

We need extroverts for this world to run

but we also need the introverts!

It takes all kinds of people and just because you are not like the person next to you

does not mean that there is something wrong with you.

Luke showed me this blog the other day and I really enjoyed some of the articles I have read:

http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/

A little quote I read recently

"COME OUT OF YOUR SHELL"

"That noxious expression that fails to appreciate that some animals 

naturally carry shelter wherever they go,

and that some humans are just the same"

Susan Cane "quiet"

And I saw this on Pinterest:

 

The Joys Of Parenting

I am having a really hard time right now.

This blog is a way for me to vent.

and if I can't be honest with myself,

than who can I be honest with?

These last few days have honestly been horrible.

I am not going to lie.

They have been darn right awful!

You think that going on a trip away for a week

will be so amazing and you will come back so relaxed and ready for anything.

We really did have an amazing trip

but I was not prepared for what I came back to.

The first 2 days back were great!

I was so happy to see my girls,

they were so happy to see me.

Life was grand!

We were playing, reading stories, laughing!

Then everything changed.

The girls started getting very bold with me,

not listening,

fighting ALL THE TIME!

Ellie has been in an awful mood, talking back, 

dinner has become a scream fest.

I don`t know what has happened! 

Where everything went wrong.

We've had more tears in the last 3 days than we have in the last month!

I have been on the verge of insanity,

trying to hold it together but barely passing.

I know parenting is tough,

maybe I am a wimp.

Tonight,

after a scream fest at dinner,

I decided to let the girls have a bath.

It started out ok, the girls were laughing and playing together.

Then the screaming started,

the hitting started,

the splashing started, 

the crying.

It was RIDICULOUS!!

I have never seen a bath turn so awful in the blink of an eye.

I took them out immediately,

got their pj`s on, 

read them a story,

gave them their bottles

and put them to bed.

At 6:30pm.

Maybe I will regret it tomorrow morning when they wake up at 5am

because I put them to bed so early,

but right now, 

I just can`t handle it.

I am going to lose it!

I don`t know if this is what I get for leaving them for a week,

or if it is just a phase they are starting

but something has got to change.

 I am ready for Luke to be home tomorrow so I can have a break,

to re-group.

Figure out how we are going to survive this stage.

I love my girls to death!

But having 2 toddler girls in the same house while you are pregnant,

not sure if it was the greatest idea! lol

I know God gives you nothing you can't handle,

but right now,

I am really feeling like I am at the end of my rope.

Who knew parenting was so hard.